Like as it was (edited)

Everyone's life is moving ahead each day, good or bad.
My life is pretty much stagnant, like a statue.
But even statues have visitors. I don't.
It's so still, not peaceful.
Chaos happening around, yet I find that I'm not affected.
For that short moment, I thought my life would change.
It won't. And from that very moment, I understood.
People can't be trusted.
*censored*

It so sounds like I'm an unhuman.
Stating it literally, knowing there isn't such a word.
But I can't help but critisize this world.
It is really deteriorating.
The people, the earth, everything.
I'm one of them too.
Every path I walk on, seems wrong.
It's like God gave up hope on me.
But you will say, God never gives up hope on anyone,
as long as you change.
But what if it is forever.
Bad habits don't change easily.

Anyway, someone asked me recently,
"you ok?", "i dunno why you are feeling insecure and keeping things to yourself..."
This is asked by someone, guess by six sense, felt that I'm not ok.
Not a close friend. Someone, who knew me for only a few days.
So now I'm gonna state why I feel insecure.
It's just my life.
Since young, whatever I pour out, I ended up getting scolded.
So why should I share my troubles? It's always my fault anyway.
What about friends?
They are much more a worser bunch than family.
Even family can't be trusted, how more can you trust a friend?
They WILL go out and spread your gossip, letting the whole world know.
No more privacy. So you want privacy? Keep it to yourself.
Only you and you only will know.
I've been hurt too many times.
People hurt me emotionally, I hurt myself physically.
It is the only way to cease the pain within.
It's so painful to live.
So I tried not to live, but I'll suffer eternally.
This is a short term torture.
God, end it fast.
Or unless, You wish to see my absence in heaven.
I'll meet him in hell.