It's been long time since I've posted..
And feels like I'm changing..
For the worst..

Just yesterday..
I couldn't take the pressure anymore..
I felt so useless and depressed about myself..
I cried and cried..
And spoke to my parents..
Then my dad helped me pray..

But just this morning..
I was overtaken by my fear and emotions again..
I felt like I was going crazy..
It was 11.20am..
And yesterday..
My friend told me 11.20am lecturers will lock the room..
I trembled in fear as I was waiting for my work to print..
I cried and trembled..
Never felt so afraid before..
The overwhelming of the fear..
I was still crying when I left the house..
But I told myself to stay strong..
It was unforgettable..
I felt like I lost my mind..
To think that I even scared my mum..

Just as I took the cab to school..
I remembered a song called God will make a way..
And here's the lyrics..

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to
His sideWith love and strength for each new day
He will make a way,
He will make a way.

By a roadway in the wilderness,
He'll lead me
And rivers in the desert will I see
Heaven and earth will fade
But His Word will still remain
He will do something new today.

God will make a way,
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me
He will be my guide
Hold me closely to
His sideWith love and strength for each new day
He will make a way,
He will make a way.

I felt the strong message that God was trying to tell me..
And it made me more calm..
So I have to thank God for all these..
I know I'm being trained for something..
Something that is for the better of me..

However..
The thought of this morning experience still shakes me..
The insanity..
The fear..
Losing control..